Chavtastic Chav Chavs It Up

It has been made official, Barrow is the home of the Chav. Whether you wear sweat pants or not, YOU are one of the chaviest chavs in the whole of the country. Yes…You! The survey, that was published last week, states that teenagers within the Barrow area are 76% more likely to check their testicles…
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Tap Dancing Ladies Find Sinkhole

The Festival of Feet, Barrows longest running Feet Festival was held last weekend at the first of its roaming locations. The first venue to be visited, whilst major renovations to its 80,000 seat stadium are ongoing, was the field just off Abbey Approach. Although not a patch on the facilities provided by their usual 65,000…
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Super Hotel Proposed in Ulverston

As we reported in the last issue of The Barrow Evening Mail, there have been talks with the Council and a number of interested parties about the positioning of a new large-scale hotel in Ulverston. The Barrow Evening Mail reported it after a tip off by an insider from within the County Council Chambers. Although…
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Jammie Situation Causes Problematic Problem

The National Retail Association of Great Britain contacted The Barrow Evening Mail this week to warn of a major worldwide shortage in the supply of Jammie Dodgers. It is claimed that the whole of the biscuit manufacturing sector will lose profits of up to ninety five percent as the ingredients become scarce. The whole of…
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Saintly Secrets Secreted Silently

Our Reporter has been holidaying with a trip to the Vatican City, and after a few days of sitting around doing nothing much but picking at their feet, cleaning ears and nose and scratching their armpits, they decided they had had enough rest and began to look into a rumour that had been ‘doing the…
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Mystical Marshmallow Munches Man

In a strange twist of fate, Adam Morrington, 21, from North Row, became the first known man to be eaten by the food he was preparing to eat. The Barrow born Barrovian had been digging in his garden when he stumbled across two golden tablets. On retrieving them from the soil, an angel appeared, reported…
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Balloon Bombardment over Barrow

Kirby Dairy Farmer, Malcolm Muckspread, 48, has caused havoc with the landing schedule at Walney Aerodrome by devising a novel method of delivering his daily ‘pinta’. The Air Traffic Controllers had to stack sixty three Jumbo 757s in a five mile high spiral over the Barrow area after the flight path was inundated with what…
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Askam Councils Controversial Construction

Askam Parish Council have issued an apology to the residents after documents were unearthed showing the true reason for the works taking place to the old ‘bus stop’. Official documents were submitted and displayed to the change of use, from bus shelter to public recreation ground. The council Chief had said at a full council…
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Barrow Man Misses Monumental Moment

A minor faux pas was today something of a huge global phenomenon as a short movie was sent around the world on all social platforms. Twitter had to reboot all of its servers, Facebook was left with millions of empty status updates about breakfasts and cats and MySpace was (as always) devoid of everything except…
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Poo Pile Poses Problem

Chaos was the watchword today as Dalton came to a standstill. Residents looked on in horror as a HGV, loaded with the world’s largest Egg Sandwich trundled through the town centre. The wide load had begun its journey from a factory unit just outside of Kendal; however problems only started to occur when the vehicle…
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