Pie Jelly Given Freedom of Town

Pork Pie Freedom
Pork Pie Freedom

It was with a surprise announcement by Barrow Council that the Furness Folk of Furness had a surprise when the Council announced that the Jelly from a Pork Pie was to be given the highest honour the town could give.

The Mayor said verbally, in a written statement, that because of the actions of the Pork Pie Jelly in saving the life of David Manson, 52, it should be rewarded with the Freedom of Barrow and the ability to drive sheep over the bridge between Barrow and Walney.

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Super Hotel Proposed in Ulverston

Ulverston Hotel
Ulverston Hotel

As we reported in the last issue of The Barrow Evening Mail, there have been talks with the Council and a number of interested parties about the positioning of a new large-scale hotel in Ulverston. The Barrow Evening Mail reported it after a tip off by an insider from within the County Council Chambers.

Although we cannot give you a completed plan, we believe that the Planning Application has been submitted for approval close to the Canal Walk. The complex will be spread over a three mile footprint and feature luxuries such as a private helicopter landing pad, an Olympic sized swimming pool, with fur lined high level diving board and a show jumping arena where each horse has its own built in DVD player for the enjoyment of the rider, to name just a few.

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Poo Pile Poses Problem

Eggstraordinary
Eggstraordinary

Chaos was the watchword today as Dalton came to a standstill. Residents looked on in horror as a HGV, loaded with the world’s largest Egg Sandwich trundled through the town centre.

The wide load had begun its journey from a factory unit just outside of Kendal; however problems only started to occur when the vehicle had to slow down when passing through Ulverston. The escort driver at the rear had noticed that the cellophane wrapping had been ripped apart when passing some low hung branches on the A590. When the vehicle was brought to a halt, just outside of the Roxy Cinema, Seagulls flocked in to take a feed.

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Councils Green Energy Shock

Green Energy
Green Energy

In a shock green move, Barrow Council along with South Lakeland District Council has announced a radical approach to energy creation. In a secret meeting which lasted well into the early hours, the peoples representatives decided that as a unilateral move they would increase their green energy by at least 43%.

Many methods to achieve this were discussed but eventually they arrived at the decision which pleased the power mongers and also determined that they would remain in position regardless of an election.

Any first born child will be requested to attend an attendance course at what is being called the ‘New Police Station’. The building, which is nearly complete and will be opened within months, has been discovered by the Barrow Evening Mail to be, in fact, a Power Station. Underneath the public façade is a large maze of tunnels, each leading to several halls housing multiple ‘Hamster Wheels’. These wheels will be the generating power by the use of human endeavour.

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Ulverston Woman Moon Scam

A rogue email is arriving in the inboxes of surfers through out Furness.  The email suggests that you can be the proud owner of a rare piece of moon rock by just filling in the form supplied and emailing it back to the originator

Mrs Gromper, aged 83, replied to the email with great excitement, as she had been a budding astronomer since 1947, her Widower told us.  Mr Gromper, aged 48, said that Jean did not fully read the terms and conditions and sent for the piece of rock, it was only later that the full extent of her mistake came to pass

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