After Barrows Black Friday Here Comes Turquoise Tuesday

Rocket Launched From Egerton Court

Rocket Launched From Egerton Court

After Barrow Town Centre fell into the trap of hosting its own Black Friday event and receiving criticism from thousands of voters, a local Councillor has explained “We encouraged shops to get into the spirit of the Black Friday Selling Frenzy as a method of expanding the cultural experience of our residents.” The Council thought that it would be a good idea as the town already hosts a European Market and they believed that this way they could welcome the American friends.

However criticism has arisen over the amount of bodies that had to be cleaned off the streets and the resulting queue at Furness General Hospital, which still hasn’t receded. “Black Friday was a waste of time”, said Steve Wounder, 36 from Barrow Island, “I didn’t get a single thing off my Christmas List. Nothing was discounted. However I did manage to punch three pensioners and a small boy. That was fun.”

The Council are forging forward with a new selling event: Turquoise Tuesday. The idea grew from a flippant throw away comment made by a Council Employee. Turquoise is to represent the rest of the Universe. The councillor said, “We have commissioned a local company to begin building a fleet of rockets to be launched from the rooftop of Egerton Court. Each rocket will be launched with a slight delay so that they all arrive at the same time.” He continued, “We are inviting shop keepers from Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune. Hopefully they will be able to attend the new market which has been pencilled in for the 21st November 2015.” Although not on the record as such, he also added, “That’ll be one in the eye for Ulverston, bloody Festival Town”

After a Freedom of Information request made, it was revealed that to achieve the send out of invites it would only cost each tax payer a mere £1,400,897 on the next Council Tax bill. When confronted by the Barrow Evening Mail on the revelation of costs the Mayor told us, “I enjoyed Lee Evans.”

As the voice of the people the Barrow Evening Mail will continue looking into this topic and report further movements as they appear.

STOP PRESS
The Mayor has just eaten a Greggs Cheese and Steak Roll.

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