Councils Green Energy Shock

Green Energy
Green Energy

In a shock green move, Barrow Council along with South Lakeland District Council has announced a radical approach to energy creation. In a secret meeting which lasted well into the early hours, the peoples representatives decided that as a unilateral move they would increase their green energy by at least 43%.

Many methods to achieve this were discussed but eventually they arrived at the decision which pleased the power mongers and also determined that they would remain in position regardless of an election.

Any first born child will be requested to attend an attendance course at what is being called the ‘New Police Station’. The building, which is nearly complete and will be opened within months, has been discovered by the Barrow Evening Mail to be, in fact, a Power Station. Underneath the public façade is a large maze of tunnels, each leading to several halls housing multiple ‘Hamster Wheels’. These wheels will be the generating power by the use of human endeavour.

It was decided that paying the unemployed, which would fall to the Council/Tax Payer would be overly expensive, therefore every family would compulsorily donate their eldest child, if they are below the age of sixteen. When a child reaches their sixteenth birthday they would be allowed out of the complex, after realignment, and the next oldest child would replace them.

One Councillor, who wished to remain nameless, stated that while the idea “wasn’t the best use of its constituents, it really did come down to simple economics and nobody really had a cause for complaint because we do such an amazing job, and the scum will never get any better”.

The power generated from the power generating Power Generator will be able to provide every household twenty two hours of energy daily. The remaining two hours would be determined by the household and would be set by an interactive service utilising the internet to suit the life of the family.

There will be no recourse for complaint the anonymous Councillor said “If the electorate wanted a sustainable planet in the future, then they must expect a small amount of pain but they will get used to providing family members. Eventually they will be trying to force them on us because they WILL realise that we are right.”

The Barrow Evening Mail would like your thoughts about this movement into the future; if you agree, disagree or have better ideas please leave a message below or complain in person to the Town Hall (although we wouldn’t recommend that course of action as the consequences might be lifelong).

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