Askam Councils Controversial Construction

Hitler Enjoying Askam
Hitler Enjoying Askam

Askam Parish Council have issued an apology to the residents after documents were unearthed showing the true reason for the works taking place to the old ‘bus stop’. Official documents were submitted and displayed to the change of use, from bus shelter to public recreation ground. The council Chief had said at a full council meeting that the reclamation of the area would, “remove the eyesore that has dominated the vista from the Co-op and replace it with a luxurious view equal to the Pyramids of Egypt, the Taj Mahal or Christ the Redeemer statue above Rio De Janeiro”.

However, the Barrow Evening Mail has since put in a Freedom of Information request to the Planning Authorities that shows that they will indeed add another concrete planter, but the plans also include an exact replica of the wartime bunker belonging to Hitler. The grounds to the museum shall feature a fifteen foot statue of the Fuhrer, riding the back of a Valkyrie, whilst eating a Mabel’s meat and potato pie. The frontage will be based on the Reichstag Government building in Berlin which will lead downstairs to the control centre of the Nazi War Machine.

Whilst in the experience the visitor will be shown a fifteen minute condensed history of the war years between 1939 and 1945, ending with the emancipation of the German people by the allied forces. To curtail any emotional distress the documentary will be in animation form and will feature the characters of Snap, Crackle and Pop from the Rice Krispie adverts, also Tony the Tiger as Himmler. On exiting, a representative of the museum will take your photograph with cardboard cutouts of the man himself, Mussolini and Churchill complete with the caption, ‘Askam has it all’.

A council representative of the Council stated ‘We are hoping that the museum will generate extra tourism in the village and that it will teach the stupid electorate that our installing of speed bumps was not akin to the decision to kill six million Jews as purported by those Bolshevik layabout voters.” adding, “wait till they’ve seen what we are going to do with the Temperance Hall.”

The Barrow Evening Mail has condemned this decision as it will remove all public toilets from the area and that residents will be asked to help pay for the construction through a 9000% rise in their Council Tax. Further to this, the Barrow Evening Mail has started a petition on change.org and is requesting that as many people as possible sign to reverse this insane plan.

As ever we will be keeping you up to date through our Twitter feed.

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