Tap Dancing Ladies Find Sinkhole

Dancing Sinkhole
Dancing Sinkhole

The Festival of Feet, Barrows longest running Feet Festival was held last weekend at the first of its roaming locations. The first venue to be visited, whilst major renovations to its 80,000 seat stadium are ongoing, was the field just off Abbey Approach. Although not a patch on the facilities provided by their usual 65,000 seat stadium, the field, previously a home to Barrow Mascot, Duncan the Donkey, did manage to put on a show worthy of the Mayors attendance.

Events were well underway and the organisation was robust as the 46 rounds of the Children’s Egg and Spoon Race were completed, and only one person died in the record breaking Sack Race. However, when the entrants to the Ladies Tap Dancing entered the arena, there began a small rumble under the Judges podium. Mrs Shutter, 63, described the feeling, “It was like a small rumble under the Judges podium.”

After the first round of competition had been concluded, with 32 of the Tap Dancing groups being ejected, the second round had just got underway. The Holbeck Hellbellies climbed the six inches on to the stage and to the dismal sound of Peter Andre and Katie Price, the ladies began their ritualistic toe shuffling, before launching into the full blown Dance of the Dainty Veils.

Mrs Shutter, 28, takes up the story, “All of a sudden, Marjorie Pullman, 71, who isn’t the daintiest of the Dainty Veils, jumped from the shoulders of Simone Cantalope, 52, and instead of landing two footed after her triple salchow, she just disappeared through the temporary stage and into a hole the size of a small large bus.” She continued, “Then the ground around the edges gave way and before we all knew it, the Holbeck Hellbellies were gone and all we could hear were muffled voices calling out for help.”

The shock of the events shook the whole audience as they carefully crept forward to peer into the newly created feature. Mr Tony Gromfelt, 35, phoned the emergency services, who were quick to respond and managed to free all those in the hole. None of the Dancers were hurt, but the Kendal Mint Cake carried by one lady was broken into several bits. The Police cordoned off the area, and whilst no more dancing took place, the audience enjoyed a complimentary stick of candy floss.

A spokesperson for the Festival of Feet said they will test any further venues before holding an event and they are looking forward to gaining access to their newly refurbished 21,000 seat stadium. The Police told the Barrow Evening Mail, “Whilst there was no crime involved in the day’s events and the creation of the new hole, they are looking into it.” (- sorry, couldn’t resist: Ed)

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