Tesco Tantalises Chicken Shoppers

Mikado at Tesco
Mikado at Tesco

A riot was narrowly avoided today in Tesco today as a large and unexpected queue formed at the pre cooked chicken counter. Mrs Grubbun, 32, a Tesco spokesperson said that a queue had formed after approximately one hundred and twenty two people all turned up at the same time creating a large queue of approximately one hundred and twenty two.

As the oven can only cook twenty chickens in a single session, the wait had risen to three hours causing consternation at the rear, which was somewhere near the men’s cosmetics aisles. The wave of anger started to move forward as voices of dissent were raised from the rear. Steve Goateebeard, 64, a Barrow Resident and last in the queue told us, “It was starting to get personal. Staff were getting called some vicious names; one guy flashed a switch blade and another, I think he’s married to that girl who works in Pets At Home, brought out a semi automatic rifle. Bloody three hours. Just as we thought this is it, an attack was imminent, an announcement came over the tannoy.”

The situation was calmed when Trolley Guys, Bill, 23, and James, 76, came forward and suggested to management that they could perform a rendition of The Mikado for those in the queue. Grasping at straws the management team agreed. Hastily setting up a one hundred and twenty four seater arena, and inviting the Mayor and their partner, the distraction proved to take the edge off people’s moods.

Steve, 39, takes up the story once again, “The tannoy said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please take your seats for today’s performance”, we didn’t know what was happening so we all just kind of sat down. Then these two guys came out onto a stage and started singing, calling each other Nanki-Poo and Yum Yum. Any way,” Steve, 54, continued, “it was beautiful, I found myself crying into a tissue I hadn’t yet paid for. I’ve never seen it before but the older guys rendition of ‘Willow, Tit-Willow’ will follow me to my grave”.

Bill, 54, and James, 36, said, “We practice all the classic operas as we tidy round, people don’t tend to notice us until a trolley is left awkwardly in a parking space, or we haven’t put enough hand held baskets back into their pick up place, so we sing.”

Mrs Grubbun, 58, confirmed that the situation was calmed and that everybody thought we had gone beyond the call of duty. She said, “We will be rewarding the two of them with a slap up piece of toast in the cafe.”

Posted by Catflea Massacre

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