Bloke Blames Bacon For Bash

Bacon Clock
Bacon Clock

Friday morning was a morning to forget for ASDA shopper, Albert Cluug, 44, as the butterfly effect became evident after having his food delivery delivered by ASDA. Albert first began to realise that he was in a widely understood physics theory when he crashed into a car that should theoretically  not be present.

Albert, unmarried, had placed an order online and had suffered a couple of exchanges that at the time seemed innocent enough. He didn’t realise it but when he had his regular order of bacon exchanged for thin sliced gammon it would result in the accident. Albert explained “Every Tuesday morning I start the day with a bacon sandwich. I have done this for years. Toast on a Monday, bacon sandwich on a Tuesday, Cornflakes on a Wednesday”

In a bid to get to the detail, Alberts wife, Cassandra, 65, took up the story, “Albert sets off to work at the same time every morning, differing his get up time to accommodate the timing of the breakfast. Today he forgot that we didn’t have any bacon so, he had a fried egg instead. The difference in cooking times meant that unlike the usual ten minutes, the eggs cooked quicker at about four minutes, therefore he left the house six minutes earlier than usual.”

On his arrival in the BAE staff car park, Albert pulled into his usual car parking space only to crash into a vehicle already parked in Alberts usual car parking space in the BAE staff car park. The owner of the second car, Karl Gorson, 43, was witness to the incident as he was just about to leave the site after a night shift. “He didn’t even look what he was doing. He just turned in and then he started ranting about a bacon sandwich, ASDA and why was I there?”

Professor Stephen Hawking gave an explanation of the situation to the courts in defence of Albert, however the Judge decided that even though the Professor elegantly explained the ‘Butterfly Effect’ it didn’t mean that Albert had a defence. “Albert should have taken into consideration the time differential and therefore we are awarding Karl Gorson a payment of two daily Bakewell Tarts for the next two years and a request for help if Karl ever needed to put up a fence.’

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