Pie Jelly Given Freedom of Town

Pork Pie Freedom
Pork Pie Freedom

It was with a surprise announcement by Barrow Council that the Furness Folk of Furness had a surprise when the Council announced that the Jelly from a Pork Pie was to be given the highest honour the town could give.

The Mayor said verbally, in a written statement, that because of the actions of the Pork Pie Jelly in saving the life of David Manson, 52, it should be rewarded with the Freedom of Barrow and the ability to drive sheep over the bridge between Barrow and Walney.

The story started when David, 37, was driving down the A590 between Ulverston and Dalton, minding his own business and just starting to tuck into a Pork Pie. An escaped Giraffe from the Wild Animal Park jumped out in front of him. David swerved to avoid the animal and before his brakes could do the job they were designed for, he ploughed into an Armco barrier. The force was such that his air bag didn’t have the time to activate, however the Pork Pie in his hand prevented his head smashing into the steering wheel, saving his life and minimising the impact to such a degree that all David suffered was a small cut to his cheek from the razor he was holding in his other hand.

A University Don from the University of Oxford conducted a short study into the shock resistance of the Jelly. He declared, “It is not just the flexibility of the edible material, but also the density that saved this gentleman’s life. The Pork Pie had been optimally filled, i.e. there were no air pockets or sharp objects contained within the void around the pork, the resistance in movement was as though by design, and not just simple physics.” He continued, “If the Jelly had an air pocket, it would likely have made the whole pie collapse and David’s head would have continued on its trajectory and smashed in to the wheel.”

 The Mayor told Barrow Evening Mail that they would be seeking permission from the UK Government to declare a National Bank Holiday also presenting UNESCO with a case study to have the jelly declared as a substance of global importance. We will keep you all up to date on this story.

Posted by: Catflea Massacre

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