Barrow Tops Countries GCSE Results

GCSE Success
GCSE Success

It was revealed today that the areas GCSE results have resulted in a spike in GCSE results. The area has gained a six-hundred percent net gain in those students gaining five GCSEs or more. Although this figure might sound farfetched as the national figure shows a slight downturn in GCSEs, it is Barrow that is bucking the trend and setting a bar for all other areas to achieve.

The Barrow Evening Mail went to speak to one of the Principals of a local school, wishing to remain nameless, he said, “It’s all to do with the introduction of a new curriculum. Whereas most of the country has stuck with the standard subjects you might find on the curriculum, we here decided to introduce a range of courses that reflected the skills of the area we live in.”

Mr H Teacher, 57, went on to explain the courses and thinking behind the changes applied. “What we did was remove most of the subjects on the curriculum, like History, Geography, Physical Ed and Food Technology and replaced them with subjects we thought our pupils would excel in, although we did keep Maths, English and Science.”

The subjects which were decided on were ‘Greggs Pie Range and the Eating of Greggs Pie Range’, ‘Hanging Around the Streets Moaning and Causing a Nuisance’, ‘Staffordshire Bull Terrier Walking whilst Looking Hard’ and ‘Kicking Off Wing Mirrors in the Middle of the Night’.

One student, Martyyn Smith-Talbot-Jones, 16, gained five GCSEs at A*, he told us, “Its brilliant, like, yeah? I was failing like every subject, you know, yeah? I never really went to school, like, but when I took up the Pie Eating course, you know, I was in everyday. Innit?” [The explanation was longer but we had to cut all the swearing from the quote]

The School involved has now been contacted by many other Schools from many other school areas. Mr H Teacher said, “The contact from other schools in other areas has been tremendous, we seem to be at the cutting edge of education here in Barrow.”

We at The Barrow Evening Mail have proposed a further course to help us in the News Gathering Dept. helping to fill our pages, Mr H Teacher has said that ‘Making Stuff Up and Writing Nonsense’ is a great course which could extend the available curriculum further.

Posted by: catflea Massacre

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