Radio Enthusiast Halts Barrow

Farting For Peace
Farting For Peace

Local Radio Enthusiast, Trebor Spargone, 56 has been asked to leave Barrows own CandoFM 106.3 as his Breakfast Show got very personal on Thursday morning. What started off as an innocent situation, finally became both a health hazard to the students of Furness College, but also an accident black spot for the drivers driving past Furness College.

At the start of his 6 – 9am slot, which usually consists of weather, traffic, local news and, of course, a liberal supply of the top tunes, Trebor let out a small, but highly tuneful pump. Thinking that no one would have heard it over the top of his own voice, he carried on regardless. However, within minutes the switchboard was full of people both complaining and celebrating. Thinking that it might make for a humorous addition to the show, he invited two of the callers to have a chat together live on air.

The debate started very politely, one arguing that pumping was a disgrace and should not be done anywhere except for the toilet, the second arguing that a pump should be out and proud. Over the course of several minutes, the situation descended into an almighty row with threats of violence being banded about. Trebor Spargone, 73, tried to control the warring parties, but by the time he finally took control, both debaters had arranged to meet outside of the College.

When Trebor emerged after his 9am finish, he exited the building to find two groups of around a thousand-people chanting and waving banners at each other. ‘Freedom to Fart’ came from the left and ‘Pump in Private’ from the right. It was only when he took a deep intake of breath that he discovered the Freedom To Fart contingent had used their emissions as a form of chemical warfare as the stench had not only singed his nostril hair, but also his eyebrows and the hair in his armpits. Trebor said, “If it wasn’t for my hat, I would have been bald.”

Within minutes the protesters began to slip into unconsciousness as the smell took hold. On the road, it was discovered that those drivers who had either their windows open or their fans on were succumbing to the poisonous cloud and this was causing a major pile up at the traffic lights. Traffic had stopped and was backing up past Walney Bridge and in the opposite direction to Park Road Industrial Estate, which in turn could not allow the emergency services to attend.

After twenty minutes of the chaos, the smell naturally dissipated, and people began to wake, coming to their senses and slowly moving away. By the time Trebor Spargone, 22, awoke, the crowd had gone, and the only thing left around him were the cars that had crashed into the street furniture. Trebor told the Barrow Evening Mail, ‘I’m gutted CandoFM has asked me to leave, it was not my fault.’ We asked a CandoFM representative for a statement, they said, “Trebor is a great fellow, but we found one of his socks in the PC that runs the software. If the smell hadn’t attracted us to it’s presence the whole college could have burnt down.”

Submitted By Catflea Massacre

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