Scientists Warn of New Plague

Green Cow
Green Cow

In a report on Climate Change, the University of Cambridge has declared that a new breed of Greenfly has been detected in a greenhouse near to the local Custard Factory. On the initial reading of the document it was stated that a one-off six-metre-long mutant Greenfly specimen had been breeding with Friesen Cows that had been in an adjacent field. The Greenfly, which was cornered and captured, had already mated before the capture.

Vet Richard Brownarm, 46, received the shock of his lifetime when he had been called by a local farmer, Mrs Cowkeep, 52, who had reported that one of his pregnant cows had got into difficulty. Mr Brownarm had turned up with the correct equipment, but the size of the ‘calf’ had taken him by surprise, and he had to go back to his office to get a medicinal glass of whiskey.

After several hours of labour, the calf was eventually born. Mr Brownarm, 64, described the creature that emerged. He said, “It was large, about two metres in length and stood about five feet from the floor, and when I say from the floor, I mean it was hovering. It must have been the about six-foot-high and had ten legs; four legs like a cow and six legs like an insect, but it also had wings. It was horrible.”

After reporting the incident to the Police, a team of Cambridge Professors, including Biologists, Zoologists and Ornithologists were dispatched and arrived several days later travelling on the replacement bus service. They failed to find the specimen, however samples of faeces and skin that were left at the scene were collected. Within days they had concluded that a new species had been created but were adamant that everything would be ok if it was a single incident.

Mr Brownarm, 36, has informed the Barrow Evening Mail that several hybrids have now been birthed. Each offspring has been tethered and the area has been covered by a large glass sphere to contain the outbreak until a full scientific understanding of the process can be researched.

Mrs Cowkeep told our Reporter that there were huge benefits to the local community as, “The milk from the Greencow comes out yellow and thicker than usual. We are in talks with the Custard Factory as it would remove the need for colouring and thickening agents in the custard.”

If you see a Greencow, it is advised that you report the sighting as soon as possible to the Environment Agency, as they enjoy a bowl of custard with their canteen meal. The Barrow Evening Mail will keep you posted on any further movements.

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