Francophile Askamer. I Am A Frenchman

The French Supreme Court today issued a decree that the Parish of Askam and Ireleth actually belong to them and they have demanded the return of their land. Their claim lies on the fact that during the Napoleonic era, while the major battles were raging across Europe, an elite unit of Napoleons Army landed on the beach and claimed the land for the French.

We put a reporter onto the case to see if the claim could stand up in the European Courts; we sent him to sunny Brittany, or so he informed us. In the Abbey of Mont St Michelle there is a manuscript that shows the decree signed by Napoleon to despatch the men. It is also documented that the church had financed the boat and the wages of the men. The great scholar Demitris Thurclios believes that the Pope was annoyed that the Furness Monks had stretched their influence so wide, therefore undermining the Pontiff.

Through the records, held in the Mayors Office of Granville, it shows that a woman committed suicide believing that the 14 boys, one of them her son, would never return, being slaughtered by the Mad Englishman. With the dates being only days apart it leads to the conclusion that indeed fourteen men from Granville were ordered by Napoleon to invade England. ¬†¬†Recently it has come to light that a Parish Gravedigger in the 1890’s recovered a clay pot in the shape of a ball whilst filling a fresh grave. The pot was given to the natural history museum were it went through the Xray machine. Inside a section of parchment showed the first names of five men and a planning application for fourteen houses on land fenced off for more than twelve years.

The French Government on hearing of the Parchment instantly laid claim to the Land. It is believed to span from Steel Street over the Slag Bank to the Lots Road. Tony Blair, in his role as European Peace Envoy, has flown to Fiji for a meeting with a representative of Barrow Council to discuss a date for an initial meeting into the crisis. The Barrow Evening Mail will endeavour to discover more; as soon as the reporter gets back… it’s been three weeks so far.

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