Balloon Bombardment over Barrow

Kirby Dairy Farmer, Malcolm Muckspread, 48, has caused havoc with the landing schedule at Walney Aerodrome by devising a novel method of delivering his daily ‘pinta’. The Air Traffic Controllers had to stack sixty three Jumbo 757s in a five mile high spiral over the Barrow area after the flight path was inundated with what…
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Askam Councils Controversial Construction

Askam Parish Council have issued an apology to the residents after documents were unearthed showing the true reason for the works taking place to the old ‘bus stop’. Official documents were submitted and displayed to the change of use, from bus shelter to public recreation ground. The council Chief had said at a full council…
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Barrow Man Misses Monumental Moment

A minor faux pas was today something of a huge global phenomenon as a short movie was sent around the world on all social platforms. Twitter had to reboot all of its servers, Facebook was left with millions of empty status updates about breakfasts and cats and MySpace was (as always) devoid of everything except…
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Poo Pile Poses Problem

Chaos was the watchword today as Dalton came to a standstill. Residents looked on in horror as a HGV, loaded with the world’s largest Egg Sandwich trundled through the town centre. The wide load had begun its journey from a factory unit just outside of Kendal; however problems only started to occur when the vehicle…
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Silence From Council Falls On Deaf Ears

Barrow Borough Council has been at the forefront of a major attack today by constituents demanding answers to the questions that they were trying to ask. Mrs Fallowdish, 54, demanded a response to her questions regarding the state of the potholes outside her house, which are now gathering outside her house and causing all sorts…
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Councils Green Energy Shock

In a shock green move, Barrow Council along with South Lakeland District Council has announced a radical approach to energy creation. In a secret meeting which lasted well into the early hours, the peoples representatives decided that as a unilateral move they would increase their green energy by at least 43%. Many methods to achieve…
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Shocking Truth: Council Comes Clean

It has been revealed that the Town Hall does not exist and has not been there since 1973 when it was sold to an anonymous American business man. Anybody who has visited the building since then has been a victim of deceit and they should wipe the memory out of their memory before they start…
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Man Eats Himself After Bizarre Incident

A Millom man, Andre the Mole, as he is known around his home town of Millom, 39, decided to eat himself from the feet up after a dream. The vision began with an ethereal glow emanating from a previous weeks discarded Corn Flakes bowl and then rose, pausing only slightly to take a look at…
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Bourbon In Pensioner Disappearance Mystery

In a dramatic rescue overnight, Mr Stan Hillbourne, 71, from Queen Street, Dalton was rescued dramatically. The ex BAE worker suffered no injuries but was taken from his home in the middle of the night and driven to Furness General Hospital where he has had close observations in fear of a bout of Post Traumatic…
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Too Many Immigrants Claim Indigenous Locals

A protest has been organised that will bring Dalton Road to a standstill. The group behind the mass rally have announced themselves as being named Barrow First. They told our reporter that the “Immigrants were taking over the place. They demand houses to live in and hospitals to treat them and they spread out taking…
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