Return of Barrovian Boris the Battling Badger

Barrow AFC have announced a statue of their pre war mascot has been commissioned by the management team. Fundraising has begun and the hope is that Barrow AFC can raise a total of £120,000 by Febuary 2015 to allow them to get a mould made. A further £347,000 will be needed by the end of…
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After Barrows Black Friday Here Comes Turquoise Tuesday

After Barrow Town Centre fell into the trap of hosting its own Black Friday event and receiving criticism from thousands of voters, a local Councillor has explained “We encouraged shops to get into the spirit of the Black Friday Selling Frenzy as a method of expanding the cultural experience of our residents.” The Council thought…
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Elephants Everywhere In Dalton

Several Dalton residents have reported seeing several full grown elephants in the town centre. Mrs. Plooder, 47, said she was walking down Market St yesterday, when she first noticed something move out of the corner of her eye. “I saw an odd shadow poking out from behind a lamppost, first I thought it was an…
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Broughton Burglar Baffles Bobbies

A spate of burglaries has hit Broughton shocking the locals. Three houses have been targeted in a bizarre manner the Police describe as “unusual.” The houses were all entered between the hours of twelve and five in the morning whilst the home owners slept. Each house had been entered using the same method, a circular…
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Salt Theft Puzzles People

It has been revealed that the salt stock thought to be held by Barrow Council has been stolen sometime between April and the end of November. The discovery was made when the security guard clocked into work at 8am this morning. “The whole lot had gone, totally disappeared. When I left it in April it…
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Post It Properly

To celebrate ‘Post It Note Week and a Half’, Barrow Council are proposing to commission the largest Post It note ever manufactured. A feasibility study has been conducted and it is believed that with the help of a few local firms it will be able to produce a Note somewhere in the region of 9000sq/m….
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Branjolina Bothers Barrow

Excitement rose today in Barrow Town Centre when it was announced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would be a possible to open another new Tattoo shop. The owners, Grant Banana, 28 and Ivan Frog, 91, said they had been in touch with the celebrity couple and they were waiting for a reply. The Barrow…
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Terror Related Threat In Our Streets

Anger was boiling in the Town Hall today when a motion was carried to outlaw the extreme fundamentalist group Tears In Tarmac (TIT) from operating within the Furness Peninsula. Their outrageous tactics have been putting lives at risk. They are objecting to the upgrading of local roads due to their belief that every square foot…
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Smarties Not So Smartie

A new craze has started to spread throughout the whole of Furness. School children as young as five years old have been admitted to Furness General Hospital where operating tables have been declared as ‘bursting at the seams’. The craze involves the family favourite chocolate ‘Smarties’. The young people are competing to see how many…
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Revolting Ducks In Park War

People frequenting Barrow Park may not have noticed the Ducks congregating in small packs around the Lake, but it has now been confirmed, by a mole, that there are factions at work. Each pack is out for full dominance of the Lake. Although scarcely believable, we sent a reporter to the area to see if…
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