Ulverston Woman Moon Scam

A rogue email is arriving in the inboxes of surfers through out Furness.  The email suggests that you can be the proud owner of a rare piece of moon rock by just filling in the form supplied and emailing it back to the originator

Mrs Gromper, aged 83, replied to the email with great excitement, as she had been a budding astronomer since 1947, her Widower told us.  Mr Gromper, aged 48, said that Jean did not fully read the terms and conditions and sent for the piece of rock, it was only later that the full extent of her mistake came to pass

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Crash At Walney Aerodrome

Emergency services were nearly called out today after a horrific crash.  The incident started at 2.15pm and lasted for a whole fifteen seconds when an unnamed man scraped his alloy wheel against the pavement, sending the occupent into a state of mild surprise. Calmly reacting to the emergency, he stepped out of the car and sighed quite heavily.

Staff operating the airport were said to be in a deep silence about the incident as we phoned several times without success.  We surmised by the lack of response that they were trying to keep their emotions in check and it would undermine their community respect if they were seen to ‘blub like a big girls blouse’ over the carnage.

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Missing Mammal Mauls Millom Mum

On Thursday Evening a Millom Woman, who has requested to remain nameless, aged 35, was making her way to Barrow Train Station, when she entered Dalton Road and was confonted by a ‘… large, powerful, black haired animal.’

The Millom Woman said, ‘I’m a big fan of Sir David Attenborough, so I used his technique of staying calm and trying not to startle the beast. Slowly I put my hand in my pocket to retrieve my Monster Repellent Spray that I got from thingsyouwillneverusebutjustincase.com, when I remembered I had never actually ordered it, but got the Emergency Hip Hop Emulator. The Monster didn’t appreciate my 1080 degree head spin and just pounced.’

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