Pie Jelly Given Freedom of Town

It was with a surprise announcement by Barrow Council that the Furness Folk of Furness had a surprise when the Council announced that the Jelly from a Pork Pie was to be given the highest honour the town could give. The Mayor said verbally, in a written statement, that because of the actions of the…
Read more

Bloke Blames Bacon For Bash

Friday morning was a morning to forget for ASDA shopper, Albert Cluug, 44, as the butterfly effect became evident after having his food delivery delivered by ASDA. Albert first began to realise that he was in a widely understood physics theory when he crashed into a car that should theoretically  not be present. Albert, unmarried,…
Read more

Trump To Tour Town

A leaked Wikileaks document from WikiLeaks has been leaked that shows UK Prime Minister Theresa May, 31, has extended the brief of the official invite to include a meal at the Brewers Fayre Restaurant on North Road. It is believed that she has been a regular traveller to the area, visiting under the nom de…
Read more

Chavtastic Chav Chavs It Up

It has been made official, Barrow is the home of the Chav. Whether you wear sweat pants or not, YOU are one of the chaviest chavs in the whole of the country. Yes…You! The survey, that was published last week, states that teenagers within the Barrow area are 76% more likely to check their testicles…
Read more

Jammie Situation Causes Problematic Problem

The National Retail Association of Great Britain contacted The Barrow Evening Mail this week to warn of a major worldwide shortage in the supply of Jammie Dodgers. It is claimed that the whole of the biscuit manufacturing sector will lose profits of up to ninety five percent as the ingredients become scarce. The whole of…
Read more

Mystical Marshmallow Munches Man

In a strange twist of fate, Adam Morrington, 21, from North Row, became the first known man to be eaten by the food he was preparing to eat. The Barrow born Barrovian had been digging in his garden when he stumbled across two golden tablets. On retrieving them from the soil, an angel appeared, reported…
Read more

Barrow Man Misses Monumental Moment

A minor faux pas was today something of a huge global phenomenon as a short movie was sent around the world on all social platforms. Twitter had to reboot all of its servers, Facebook was left with millions of empty status updates about breakfasts and cats and MySpace was (as always) devoid of everything except…
Read more

Silence From Council Falls On Deaf Ears

Barrow Borough Council has been at the forefront of a major attack today by constituents demanding answers to the questions that they were trying to ask. Mrs Fallowdish, 54, demanded a response to her questions regarding the state of the potholes outside her house, which are now gathering outside her house and causing all sorts…
Read more

Shocking Truth: Council Comes Clean

It has been revealed that the Town Hall does not exist and has not been there since 1973 when it was sold to an anonymous American business man. Anybody who has visited the building since then has been a victim of deceit and they should wipe the memory out of their memory before they start…
Read more

Bourbon In Pensioner Disappearance Mystery

In a dramatic rescue overnight, Mr Stan Hillbourne, 71, from Queen Street, Dalton was rescued dramatically. The ex BAE worker suffered no injuries but was taken from his home in the middle of the night and driven to Furness General Hospital where he has had close observations in fear of a bout of Post Traumatic…
Read more