Trump To Tour Town

A leaked Wikileaks document from WikiLeaks has been leaked that shows UK Prime Minister Theresa May, 31, has extended the brief of the official invite to include a meal at the Brewers Fayre Restaurant on North Road. It is believed that she has been a regular traveller to the area, visiting under the nom de…
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Chavtastic Chav Chavs It Up

It has been made official, Barrow is the home of the Chav. Whether you wear sweat pants or not, YOU are one of the chaviest chavs in the whole of the country. Yes…You! The survey, that was published last week, states that teenagers within the Barrow area are 76% more likely to check their testicles…
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Broughton Burglar Baffles Bobbies

A spate of burglaries has hit Broughton shocking the locals. Three houses have been targeted in a bizarre manner the Police describe as “unusual.” The houses were all entered between the hours of twelve and five in the morning whilst the home owners slept. Each house had been entered using the same method, a circular…
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Post It Properly

To celebrate ‘Post It Note Week and a Half’, Barrow Council are proposing to commission the largest Post It note ever manufactured. A feasibility study has been conducted and it is believed that with the help of a few local firms it will be able to produce a Note somewhere in the region of 9000sq/m….
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Branjolina Bothers Barrow

Excitement rose today in Barrow Town Centre when it was announced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would be a possible to open another new Tattoo shop. The owners, Grant Banana, 28 and Ivan Frog, 91, said they had been in touch with the celebrity couple and they were waiting for a reply. The Barrow…
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Terror Related Threat In Our Streets

Anger was boiling in the Town Hall today when a motion was carried to outlaw the extreme fundamentalist group Tears In Tarmac (TIT) from operating within the Furness Peninsula. Their outrageous tactics have been putting lives at risk. They are objecting to the upgrading of local roads due to their belief that every square foot…
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Revolting Ducks In Park War

People frequenting Barrow Park may not have noticed the Ducks congregating in small packs around the Lake, but it has now been confirmed, by a mole, that there are factions at work. Each pack is out for full dominance of the Lake. Although scarcely believable, we sent a reporter to the area to see if…
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