Pie Jelly Given Freedom of Town

Pork Pie Freedom
Pork Pie Freedom

It was with a surprise announcement by Barrow Council that the Furness Folk of Furness had a surprise when the Council announced that the Jelly from a Pork Pie was to be given the highest honour the town could give.

The Mayor said verbally, in a written statement, that because of the actions of the Pork Pie Jelly in saving the life of David Manson, 52, it should be rewarded with the Freedom of Barrow and the ability to drive sheep over the bridge between Barrow and Walney.

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Bloke Blames Bacon For Bash

Bacon Clock
Bacon Clock

Friday morning was a morning to forget for ASDA shopper, Albert Cluug, 44, as the butterfly effect became evident after having his food delivery delivered by ASDA. Albert first began to realise that he was in a widely understood physics theory when he crashed into a car that should theoretically  not be present.

Albert, unmarried, had placed an order online and had suffered a couple of exchanges that at the time seemed innocent enough. He didn’t realise it but when he had his regular order of bacon exchanged for thin sliced gammon it would result in the accident. Albert explained “Every Tuesday morning I start the day with a bacon sandwich. I have done this for years. Toast on a Monday, bacon sandwich on a Tuesday, Cornflakes on a Wednesday”

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Crash At Walney Aerodrome

Emergency services were nearly called out today after a horrific crash.  The incident started at 2.15pm and lasted for a whole fifteen seconds when an unnamed man scraped his alloy wheel against the pavement, sending the occupent into a state of mild surprise. Calmly reacting to the emergency, he stepped out of the car and sighed quite heavily.

Staff operating the airport were said to be in a deep silence about the incident as we phoned several times without success.  We surmised by the lack of response that they were trying to keep their emotions in check and it would undermine their community respect if they were seen to ‘blub like a big girls blouse’ over the carnage.

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