Elephants Everywhere In Dalton

Several Dalton residents have reported seeing several full grown elephants in the town centre. Mrs. Plooder, 47, said she was walking down Market St yesterday, when she first noticed something move out of the corner of her eye. “I saw an odd shadow poking out from behind a lamppost, first I thought it was an…
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Salt Theft Puzzles People

It has been revealed that the salt stock thought to be held by Barrow Council has been stolen sometime between April and the end of November. The discovery was made when the security guard clocked into work at 8am this morning. “The whole lot had gone, totally disappeared. When I left it in April it…
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Branjolina Bothers Barrow

Excitement rose today in Barrow Town Centre when it was announced that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie would be a possible to open another new Tattoo shop. The owners, Grant Banana, 28 and Ivan Frog, 91, said they had been in touch with the celebrity couple and they were waiting for a reply. The Barrow…
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Terror Related Threat In Our Streets

Anger was boiling in the Town Hall today when a motion was carried to outlaw the extreme fundamentalist group Tears In Tarmac (TIT) from operating within the Furness Peninsula. Their outrageous tactics have been putting lives at risk. They are objecting to the upgrading of local roads due to their belief that every square foot…
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Turbine-Tastic For Furness

A shock announcement this week came from Cumbria County Council, when it declared that the new turbines, built off the Furness Peninsula, had a dual purpose: to create a green energy and boost the tourism potential of the local area. Their proposal states that the power created by the nearest twenty turbines would be fed…
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Ulverston Woman Moon Scam

A rogue email is arriving in the inboxes of surfers through out Furness.  The email suggests that you can be the proud owner of a rare piece of moon rock by just filling in the form supplied and emailing it back to the originator Mrs Gromper, aged 83, replied to the email with great excitement,…
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